On December 4, 1720 Paolo Daneo writes: “I was recollected during prayer and also experienced a mild restlessness in my thoughts. At holy Communion I had much sweetness. My dear God gave me infused knowledge of the joy which the soul will have when we see Him face to face, when it will be united with him in holy love.     Then I felt sorrow to see Him offended and I told Him that I would willingly be torn to pieces for a single soul. Indeed, I felt that I would die when I saw the loss of so many souls who do not  experience the fruit of the Passion of my Jesus.      When God gives me this deep understanding of the joy felt in seeing Him face to face, that is when united to Him, the soul can no longer bear to remain in the body, so to speak, because with a deep light of faith it sees itself in the infinite love of God; it feels a wish to be separated from the body.      I remember I once said before that the body is the chain of the soul and holds it in bondage; and until God breaks it by the death of the body, the soul cannot fly to union with the perfect vision of its beloved Good.

     Orlando’s entry: Paolo has a much “better” spiritual day— recollected in prayer with a joyful taste of heaven at Communion, with intense sorrow and compassion for none-believers, and the “deep understanding of the joy of seeing Him face to face.” With “a deep light of faith” the soul “sees itself in the infinite love of God.” Paolo actually looks forward to death itself— the ultimate prayer experience of union with God! After 12 days in the desert our Lord has taken such mercy upon this young saint and rewarded him with this deep, wonderful, mystical experience.      Lately I find myself undergoing moments that approximate these great prayer experiences, always at Communion, and  then suddenly feeling great sorrow for so many people I know who are unaware that there is a God who loves us so tremendously. Please Lord enable them to see and feel that which You so lovingly give me. Thank You Lord, for this forty-day retreat! Thank You for Your “deep light of faith!”

     Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, today in his diary entry, one of Paolo’s statements hit very close to me. He felt totally united with our God, where his soul would be face to face with Him in love.But then Paolo felt guilty, and felt that he had offended our God by thinking this. He felt sorrow for all those souls that don’t experience the love that our God has to offer.      During this Pandemic I have been “in a desert” most of the time. Only now, doing this retreat with my husband, am I allowing my soul to reach out to You, my Lord Jesus. It has been very fulfilling for me. I feel that once again I’m building a relationship with You, my God!      But then this diary entry points out to me that I am neglecting the people around me.  I’m neglecting being the voice, hands, and feet of You, Jesus, here on earth. I’m neglecting sharing You, my God. I’m enclosed within myself and my needs. My cocoon is well built; it’s impenetrable. St. Paul said he would die for those souls that don’y know You, my God. I’m not there yet! I need You to open the cocoon from the outside and pull me out there. Ready or not, here I come! And yet I want to be ready, and You,my God, are the only one that can help me! I turn it over to You. Minister to me, and in so doing You will help me to minister Your love and Your Word to others! Thank You,  Father, Son and Holy Spirit! I trust in You.

     On December 3, 1720 Paul Daneo wrote: “ All day long I was troubled with great sorrows. I had some experience of them when I was in the world but not so vivid and violent. For my part, although I am in such a state, I feel a great wish for them to continue. I can even say to you that when such afflictions— I don’t know exactly what to call them— come to me, I seem to be buried in the depths of misery, to be the most wretched and desolate of men. Nevertheless the soul embraces them because it knows that this is God’s Will and that these are the joys of Jesus. I remember to say with St. Teresa : ‘To suffer or die.’”

    Orlando’s entry: Paolo’s dryness and depression crystallizes into deep “vivid and violent sorrows”.  Nevertheless, he embraces them because he believes that they come from God’s Will and they are “the joys of Jesus”. Is this “joy?” To say with St. Teresa “To suffer of die”?

    Paolo is being drawn into the heart of suffering: the Passion of our Lord. Like him, we share in the Sorrows of Jesus and realize that behind them is the pure joy of God’s Glory, Love, Peace ….. Berta and I were suddenly drawn to ask God: “ Who are You?” It is such a mystery. Dear Lord are You impassible, above all feeling whether of joy, sorrow, or even love? But You ARE Love! When You became one of us You felt all these emotions– You are capable of them! I find myself caught between another Ying and Yang that my faith makes me face. Fortunately, the Tao, the Logos, the Word, becomes the Way into Your mystery of joy and sorrow, which is beyond my understanding. 
    Your Holy Spirit, like a spike, the hollow spike which is hammered into a maple tree, pierces my heart. What come out is blood and tears. Sooner or later suffering will take over our lives. We are meant to COMPASSIONATE with You, dear Savior. This is the narrow gate into eternal joy with You. The more I learn and analyze, the less I know and understand. All I know is that I love You! And, even more importantly, YOU love me!

    Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, today everything I have read has been leading me to understand that my soul and my self are longing and craving to get closer to You, my God. I realized with the help of the Holy Spirit that getting closer to You can happen through different types of prayer and experiences. There is intercessory prayer. There is great time alone with You. There is the Eucharistic celebration. There are the ministries we involve ourselves with. But the one that has affected me the most is the misery and suffering that one can go through. Does this truly bring me closer to my God? 
    St. Paul of the Cross in today’s entry wrote: “All day long I was troubled with great sorrows….. For my part, although I am in such a state, I feel a great wish for them to continue.” At first I had a hard time understanding this, until I recalled that sometimes I like feeling miserable. Why? I am not sure. But then I continued reading the entry, and here Paul explains: “Nevertheless the soul embraces [this misery] because it knows that this is God’s Will and that these are the joys of Jesus.” 
    How can our feeling miserable and wretched be the “joys of Jesus”? The answer I received from the Holy Spirit is that we can join You, Jesus, in Your Passion. Yes, I believe that through all that misery, pain and disillusionment You were also feeling the joy of knowing You were doing Your Father’s Will, which was only done because of Love. Love was at the heart of it all! Love of His creation. Love, compassion, empathy, all lead to sacrifice on that Cross! I agree with St. Paul. We need to be with You, Jesus inYour Passion, because at the end of that journey what we will receive is joy, truth, love, and resurrection. A new life! A new hope!  Thank You my God! Thank You for allowing me to sacrifice a bit for You! Thank You for inviting me in!

  
     On December 2, 1720, Paul Daneo writes: “ I was without feeling and distracted both during prayer and at holy Communion but with this difference: at holy Communion I was not distracted and indeed I am hardly ever distracted then; dry and without feeling, yes indeed, but either before or afterwards I nearly always seem to experience a movement of the heart which comes and goes in a second so that I hardly notice it. Then I remain like a stump or it continues longer. In all things, blessed be the sweet Giver of all good.”       

Orlando’s entry: This is an important day. Paolo begins to write the Rule for the religious order that he wishes to establish. Perhaps Paul needed to do something like this in order to get out of the spiritual rut that he was in. He writes about his dry, uninspired day, except for a split second during the Eucharist, when he experiences a “movement of the heart”. I relate to that. There has not been a single Eucharist, among the thousands of Masses that I have celebrated since my conversion the I have not been STRUCK by the Divine Spirit of Jesus, the High Priest. That is one primary reason why I am still here, in this spiritual journey.     Today, talking about the inspirations of saints like St. Paul of the Cross, my Berta remembered being distracted during prayer thinking about her mother and what a good woman she was— all the good that she did and left behind, especially in her daughter. Berta began to cry deeply about the ways she let her mother down. The Passionist Bennet Kelly consoled us in his writing: “Lord free me from any scruples about not being perfect and deepen my conviction that You love me no matter what.”   I believe that’s how her mother feels about Berta. We remembered her, she actually had a spiritual Christian life when she lived alone. We really believe she is a saint in heaven praying for us….. Edenia, please talk to Our Beloved. Intercede for Berta’s health! Berta, my love— you’re one of the kindest women I have ever known. Jesus is very, very proud of you, just like I am!

     Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, in St. Paul of the Cross’ diary today, he brought up again how he was without feeling and distracted except in holy Communion. It’s fascinating to me how this man who went through this, 300 years ago, could have experienced what I experience. Lord, I am not a saint, but I identify with this man, who is one. That shows me, my God, that we are all human, going through the human experiences of distraction, lack of feeling, hunger, thirst, happiness, unhappiness, fear, relief, temptations! What keeps me  aware of You are those seconds that St. Paul of the Cross mentions: the Touch that comes from the Divine. It could be at Mass. It could be in conversation. It could be a bird’s song, or the beauty of a natural scene, or my granddaughter’s smile. God is present to us at all times, but due to our human frailties we only notice them for a second here and there. So we walk through life as if in a desert, going from oasis to oasis, drinking the Water of Life for just a few seconds. Yet that Water of Life, which is You, Jesus, will help us to never thirst again, or at least get us to the next oasis!     You are the Light! You are the Life! You are Love incarnate! Thank You my Jesus, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Help me to find You always in my human desert.

One thing to appreciate in the Advent readings is the beautiful continuity between the Old and  New Testaments. The Prophet Isaiah and the Gospel of Matthew are the principal Advent voices representing the Old Testament and the New. We can see continuity in their readings today, Wednesday of Advent’s first week.  

God promises a feast of rich food and choice wines on his mountain, Isaiah says in our first reading. “God will wipe away the tears from all faces.” His hand, his power, rests on his holy mountain. His power is revealed there. 

Jesus ascends the mountain in Matthew’s gospel, not only to teach as he does earlier in the Sermon on the Mount, but to “wipe away the tears from all faces.” “Great crowds came to him, having with them the lame, the blind, the deformed, the mute, and many others. They placed them at his feet, and he cured them.”

Then, having compassion on the crowd, Jesus provides them with a banquet from 7 loaves of bread and a few fish. This is not a ration to get them through the day till they get home. The miracle turns into a banquet, where there’s more than enough, there are leftovers. ( Matthew 15: 32-38 )

The mountain is a symbolic place for Isaiah, as it is for Matthew. All nations will stream toward that mountain, Isaiah announces in a key reading of Advent, which we hear as Advent begins and is repeated every Monday at morning prayer in the Liturgy of the Hours.

The promises Isaiah and Jesus make are magnificent promises, but they will be questioned and denied by powerful elements in their society. The rulers of the people, with the scribes and Pharisees reject Jesus. 

Denial for Isaiah comes from Ahaz, King of Judea, who doesn’t accept the prophet’s mission or his magnificent dream of faith. He’s a realist, like many today, and Isaiah’s promises are unreal.  He dismisses the prophet’s dream of the holy mountain, courteously it seems;  he’s not going to run his country on religious dreams.  

Ahaz is recalled every Wednesday in Advent in the reading for morning prayer and then later in Advent along with an important reading at Mass–the announcement to Mary that she will be the mother of Jesus Christ. He’s the voice of denial, found in our world and in us.

There is also an emphasis on the humanity of Christ in our Advent readings. It appears in the frequent references to the “root of Jesse” , father of David. The Jesse tree that traces Jesus back through his ancestors in Jewish history is a popular feature in Advent. It reminds us that Jesus is rooted in humanity. He is not an angelic messenger who quickly returns to the heavenly Kingdom. He does not live among us as a stranger from another world. “The Word was made flesh and dwelt among us.” 

Matthew’s gospel emphasizes the rootedness of Jesus in our humanity as he begins his gospel with the genealogy of Jesus. We too easily dismiss the extent of our Lord’s incarnation.

The Advent readings are good reading, a wonderful catechism of faith. 

     In his dark and dreary room, Paolo Daneo writes on December 1, 1720 : “ Both during prayer and at Communion I was dry and distracted, with a little of that depression which I mentioned before.”          

Orlando’s entry: Paolo spends his 9th day in dryness, distraction and depression, with little inspiration to write much. I can see why Fr. Victor warned that this retreat would be a “desert experience.” The rainy, dreary days of November and December 2020 with the threat of the COVID and worries about the demise of our trust in our system of democracy, with the anxiety and the physical problems that my wife and I are undergoing, it is going to be a challenging time. I am reminded of the first reading for the 1st Sunday of Advent from the Book of Isaiah : “ Behold, You [Our God] are angry, and we are sinful; all of us have become like unclean people, all our good deeds are like polluted rags; we have all withered like leaves, and our guilt carries us away like the wind. There is none who calls upon Your name, who rouses himself to cling to You; for You have hidden Your face from us and have delivered us up to our guilt.   Yet, oh Lord, You are our Father; we are the clay and You the Potter: we are all the work of Your hands.”      Berta and I persist in our efforts. We sit together, share our readings and our feelings, questions, and God-inspirations. Today we wondered about the mystery of human suffering. We wondered why God did not save us in a different way, rather than the horrid ritual of the Passion. We looked into each others’ eyes, affirmed our trust in our God, who has given us so much joy, and we realized how much closer this activity has brought us together, the THREE of us.         

 Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, I am as distracted today as St. Paul of the Cross was, that day in 1720. I come in and out of concentrating on God during prayer. Memories, noises, distractions, all are keeping me from You, my Lord. Let’s see what a visit to church, and Communion will do. Are my difficulties related to the bit of confusion and mental fogginess I feel because of my eye problems? I turn all of these to You! I dedicate my discomfort to You, my Lord Jesus. I know You are there at my side. Please, Holy Spirit guide me through the day; open my eyes to truly see! Help me through the day, my Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I trust in You!

On November 30th,1720 Paul Daneo writes: “St. Andrew Apostle. During prayer I was dry and distracted; at holy Communion I was recollected and afterwards I shed many tears. I remember that I kept praying to my Jesus to grant me the greatest degree of humility. I wanted to be the least of mankind, the very scum of the earth, and I kept praying to the Blessed Virgin with many tears to obtain this grace for me. I remember that I asked my Jesus to teach me what degree of humility is most pleasing to Him, and I heard this answer in my heart: When you cast yourself in spirit under the feet of all creatures, even beneath the feet of devils, that is what pleases me most. I had already understood that when one goes lower than hell, beneath the feet of devils, then God raises one to paradise. Because, just as the devil desires the highest place in paradise and for his pride was cast into the very depths of hell so, on the contrary, the soul which humbles itself below hell makes the devil tremble and overcomes him and the Sovereign Good exults it to paradise. I know that all this is from God: to Him be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.   

 Berta’s entry:  Dear Jesus, on that particular day Paul Daneo was praying to You, my Lord Jesus, to grant him the greatest degree of humility. He asked You to teach him what degree of humility was most pleasing to You, and this is what he heard as an answer from You: “When you cast yourself in spirit under the feet of all creatures, even beneath the feet of devils, that is what pleases me the most.”      Wow, Lord Jesus, I would say that that would be a form of dying to self. To be humbled to that magnitude would be just like what You faced during Your Passion– no concern for self, no attention to pain and mistreatment, no concern about what others see or say to You, only love, Your eyes on the Supreme Good, Your Father, to whom You chose to be obedient, Who loves You and has asked this of You. And of course there is Your compassion, which leads You to think of the good of others rather than for Yourself.     I have to admit that right now I’m not quite ready for that, but I’ll try, my God, to get as close as I can to the example of humility You taught us with Your Passion. Help me! I do love You and want to prove it!    

 Orlando’s entry: Disturbing day, pulling me away from prayer. The new cable installations came (with the danger of catching COVID) and took a big chunk of the day. There were so many complications. The day was dark and dreary, but Berta my love and I forced ourselves into our readings and sharing-prayer for the 40-day retreat… today’s theme.. humility. Paolo wants to feel like he is the least of creation, even below devils. Upon looking at myself I realize that the once glorious angels turned into devils were certainly above little-old me, who is potentially as wicked as them! But HE the Beloved put Himself even lower than that in His Passion, so, like a Divine Atlas, He could lift up the whole mess into the arms of the all-loving God! Thank You, thank You, thank You Beloved Savior… Prince of Peace!  

     On November 29,1720 Pau Daneo wrote: “….. I engaged in prayer and went to holy Communion with dryness, and during prayer I was distracted. I want to explain what happens to me in distractions….. the soul remains more or less in peace with God, despite the fact that it is disturbed by the thoughts which trouble me. ….. However, through the knowledge that God gives me, and I am aware of it, I know that the soul always remains fixed in God in His peace but it rests there more unmoved and withdrawn. …..    “In my opinion, it is like an infant with its mouth at its mother’s breast as it takes its milk. Although it struggles with its hands and feet, fidgets, turns its head and so forth, it continues all the time to draw nourishment because it never takes its mouth away from its mother’s breast. Certainly it would do much better for itself if it stayed quiet instead of acting as I have just described; nevertheless that milk goes down its throat because it never takes its mouth away from its mother’s breast. So it is with the soul. The will is the mouth which never fails to imbibe the milk of holy Love although the faculties, memory and understanding, wander away from it. Certainly it [the soul] gains more assistance if they [the faculties] remain quiet and united with it.”  

   Orlando’s entry: The gift of constant prayer. I tried the same prayer of elevation as yesterday without anywhere near the same luminous result. But, thanks to St Paolo,  I reveled I’m my distractions, I even laughed. I imagined My Heavenly Papa holding me in His arms feeding me with His grace and love no matter how clumsy my attempts were at prayer. I had a happy day, in spite of all its complications, knowing that my God was with me, feeding me with that holy joy.      

Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, it’s great to realize that I’m not the only one that gets distracted in prayer. St. Paul of the Cross wrote, at 26 years of age in his diary, that he would become distracted in prayer, but even through these distractions he knew his soul was at peace with God. That is something I have learned to understand about myself. No matter how distracted I am  or how busy I am with chores or worries I seem to know that God is not far away from me. Sometimes in the middle of something I will stop and ask for God’s blessing and advice. Other times I ask for Him to take over and lead me where He thinks I should go. I believe that all this is the work of my soul connecting to the Divine. A touch of the Divine (my soul) is connecting or reaching out to my Creator, my Father, my Teacher, my Love. It’s a Love affair! It is hard work! It’s sacrifice! It’s salvation! It’s eternity!      Lord Jesus, without You I can no longer feel alive! Thank You for feeding me like a baby. Your grace is what keeps me going. Your mercy, compassion, and love strengthen  and change my soul’s understanding. May I continue to grow in You and through You, my Lord God! My Triune God, I love You !!!