On November 29,1720 Pau Daneo wrote: “….. I engaged in prayer and went to holy Communion with dryness, and during prayer I was distracted. I want to explain what happens to me in distractions….. the soul remains more or less in peace with God, despite the fact that it is disturbed by the thoughts which trouble me. ….. However, through the knowledge that God gives me, and I am aware of it, I know that the soul always remains fixed in God in His peace but it rests there more unmoved and withdrawn. …..    “In my opinion, it is like an infant with its mouth at its mother’s breast as it takes its milk. Although it struggles with its hands and feet, fidgets, turns its head and so forth, it continues all the time to draw nourishment because it never takes its mouth away from its mother’s breast. Certainly it would do much better for itself if it stayed quiet instead of acting as I have just described; nevertheless that milk goes down its throat because it never takes its mouth away from its mother’s breast. So it is with the soul. The will is the mouth which never fails to imbibe the milk of holy Love although the faculties, memory and understanding, wander away from it. Certainly it [the soul] gains more assistance if they [the faculties] remain quiet and united with it.”  

   Orlando’s entry: The gift of constant prayer. I tried the same prayer of elevation as yesterday without anywhere near the same luminous result. But, thanks to St Paolo,  I reveled I’m my distractions, I even laughed. I imagined My Heavenly Papa holding me in His arms feeding me with His grace and love no matter how clumsy my attempts were at prayer. I had a happy day, in spite of all its complications, knowing that my God was with me, feeding me with that holy joy.      

Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, it’s great to realize that I’m not the only one that gets distracted in prayer. St. Paul of the Cross wrote, at 26 years of age in his diary, that he would become distracted in prayer, but even through these distractions he knew his soul was at peace with God. That is something I have learned to understand about myself. No matter how distracted I am  or how busy I am with chores or worries I seem to know that God is not far away from me. Sometimes in the middle of something I will stop and ask for God’s blessing and advice. Other times I ask for Him to take over and lead me where He thinks I should go. I believe that all this is the work of my soul connecting to the Divine. A touch of the Divine (my soul) is connecting or reaching out to my Creator, my Father, my Teacher, my Love. It’s a Love affair! It is hard work! It’s sacrifice! It’s salvation! It’s eternity!      Lord Jesus, without You I can no longer feel alive! Thank You for feeding me like a baby. Your grace is what keeps me going. Your mercy, compassion, and love strengthen  and change my soul’s understanding. May I continue to grow in You and through You, my Lord God! My Triune God, I love You !!!

     On November 28,1720 Paolo Daneo writes: “At prayer I was dry and a little distracted. At holy Communion I was recollected. Afterwards, that is during thanksgiving and prayer, I was very tenderly affected even to tears, especially in praying to the Sovereign Good for the happy issue of the holy inspiration which, by His infinite goodness He has given me and continues to give me.      “ ‘I remember that I kept praying to the Blessed Virgin, and to all the angels and saints, especially the holy founders. Suddenly I seemed in spirit to see them prostrate before the most holy Majesty of God praying for this. That happened to me in a second, like a flash of lightning, in sweetness mingled with tears. The way in which I saw them was not in bodily form; it was therefore in the mind, with understanding in the soul which I do not know how to explain, and almost at once it vanished.’ “

     Orlando’s entry: Had to begin our prayers late. A dear friend simply HAD to visit us and bring us our Christmas gift: a lovely, battery-operated lantern with a nativity scene inside. Unfortunately it was wrongly packaged; it turned out to be a group of Christmas carolers in the snow. Perfect, people praying together! My friend, her lovely twenty-something daughter, Berta and I sat in front of our house social-distancing and so happy to be with each other. YOU, LOVE, were in our midsts.     Later in the day it was rather difficult to get back to our retreat discipline. But, at prayer, what a surprise! I experienced, thanks to Your Loving Kindness, the ineffable (beyond understanding or description) sense, joy, wonder, mystery of Your Presence, Your Spirit possessing me: lights, shapes, elevating sensations, powerful emotions, mystery, comfort, care, peace, — Your Love, Your Love, Your Love!

     Berta”s entry: Dear Jesus , as we read St. Paul of the Cross’ entry in his diary this day, he talked about seeing for just a second all the angels and saints joining him in prayer. They were all in front of the most holy Majesty of God praying for Paul’s intentions.      Sometimes, Jesus, I have “seen” a similar vision while at prayer with The Cloud of Glory Prayer Group in the Passionist Monastery Chapel. It almost looks like a stadium full of people, all joining us in praise and worship to You, my Lord Jesus and Your Holy Spirit and Our Father— all in One, sitting in Majestic Splendor!     Even the other day I felt it in my parish, American Martyrs, as they sang the Litany of the Saints. As their names were called they would all join us! What joy it brought, my God! I love You!It’s because of You and through You that I experience eternity for a few seconds, like St. Paul of the Cross did. Thank You! 

For this week’s homily please watch the video below.

     On November 27,1720 Paul Daneo writes: “ I prayed by night. At first I was very recollected and that lasted for some little while. Then I felt some disturbance of thought and some temptations which lasted for a short time. Holy Communion was received with great sweeties and elevation in God, mingled with tears. Then I remembered hearing that people had said I would never endure this utter deprivation. At that very moment, so great was my joy and my desire to suffer that the cold, the snow and ice seemed sweet to me and I longed for them with great fervor, saying to my beloved Jesus: ‘Your pains, dear God, are pledges of Your love!’  Then I remained thus rejoicing in my Beloved Jesus in the greatest joy and peace without any movement of the faculties but thus in silence.     

“There was no lack of fervor in praying for the above-mentioned needs. I know that I had a particular urge to go to Rome for this great and wonderful work of God. I also asked my Sovereign Good if it were His Will that I should write the Rule for the Poor of Jesus, and I felt a strong urge to do so, with great sweetness. I rejoiced that our great God should wish to make use of so great a sinner, and on the other hand, I knew not where to cast myself, knowing myself to be so wretched. Enough! I know that I tell my Beloved Jesus that all creatures shall sing His mercies.”   

Orlando’s entry:     In a lesser way, my day with God goes through changes like those of Paolo on his 5th day of retreat. He goes from desolation to fervent prayer, to sweet consolation, to frustration and distraction, to acceptance of the sufferings and doubts that will plague his 40-day retreat. Finally, he surrenders to the Will of God, as he looks at his sufferings mingled with the sufferings of Jesus and sees a direct message of God’s love in each one of them. Paul wants to share in those pains, embraces them lovingly, and the Lord places him in the joy, peace, and silence of the Contemplative State, about which there was nothing to say. He emerges from this fountain of grace full of inspiration, motivation, and energy for the accomplishment of his mission— the establishment of the order of the Poor of Christ— the Passionists!    Lord, take me deeper into Your Light. Move me into Your service!!!   

 Berta’s entry:      Dear Lord Jesus, am I ready? When You come calling, will I recognize You and You me? Will we know each other? Am I totally open to knowing You? What does it take? Am I doing enough? All I seem to have are questions.     If You want me to tell what I really think : I believe You are the Great I AM. I believe that You love me and are ready to forgive all, especially my misunderstandings. But I have to admit that I doubt myself. Will I recognize You? I need to be more open to You. I need to listen more. Show me the way to You; I can’t do it alone. Jesus, I need You and Your Holy Spirit to be my guide. FEED ME!

              On the 26 of November,1720 Paul Daneo writes:     “Although unworthy I prayed doing the night and was dry except at the beginning when I experienced a certain interior sweetness, very subtle and refined. Afterwards I received holy Communion and was particularly uplifted in God with a very high degree of tenderness and a certain warmth of heart, which I felt likewise in my stomach and which I held to be supernatural, a thing which brought me much consolation.     “I know that I also held colloquies on the sorrowful Passion of my Beloved Jesus. When I speak to Him of His sufferings, for example, I say: ‘Ah, my Supreme Good! What were the sentiments of your Sacred Heart when You were scourged? My Beloved Spouse how greatly did the sight of my grievous sins and my ingratitude afflict You! Ah, my only Love why did I not die for You? Why am I not overwhelmed with sorrow?’ And then I feel that sometime my spirit can say no more but remains thus in God with His sufferings infused into the soul—and sometimes it seems as if my heart would break.     “For the rest of the day, especially in the evening, I was greatly troubled and depressed in the way described above and although this depression does not take away peace of heart, there is a great dread that neither spiritual consolations nor anything else will ever come again— and it seems as if they were never present before either. I know that I told my Jesus that His crosses are the joys of my heart.”

Orlando’s entry:     I tried to approach my Lord in the manner of one of those “colloquies” of Paolo, a powerful type of mental prayer-meditation on the Passion of my Lord. I saw His face, battered, bruised, and disfigured, looking straight into me along with Caiphas, and saying “ I AM, and you will see the Son of Man descending on clouds of glory with the hosts of angels.”      Lord, you intimidate me and fill me with guilt. I am planning to go to confession today; please let me get there. Your battered face looks at me again the way You looked into Peter’s eyes after his third denial. You give me “the look of Love” and it breaks my heart. Jesus, my Lord, why do You love me like this? Why are You constantly forgiving and healing me, patiently waiting for my soul to seek your face once again in everyone I pass by? 

Berta’s entry:     Dear Jesus, thank You for what You did and are still doing for us through Your Passion. Sometimes I forget that time, “our time”, means nothing to You. You are living Your Passion constantly while life goes on for us. But as You receive all that suffering we have, I imagine You also receive all our joy, all our fear, all our excitement, and all our dread; You receive everything. I believe You are totally connected to each one of us physically and spiritually through our souls. I believe that we are tied to You, and that is why we can feel love, compassion, empathy! It we don’t feel those it is because we ourselves have built a wall to keep You out. Your Holy Spirit is also connected to us and so is Our Father, because You are all One. Oh, Jesus, to really understand.

   

David Leonhardt in The Times this morning had an inspired column on Thanksgiving. Can I pass some of it on to you here? He asked people to write in 6 words what they are thankful for. Here are some of them.

Sunny mornings, a window facing east.

The backyard haircuts are getting better

Ambulance took him. He came home.

Held my son as he died.

So grateful to live in Canada

Out of prison with a great job

Faith, family, friends, dedicated health professionals.

My parents live two blocks away

Dr. Fauci and all truth tellers

Volunteers who take experimental drugs

Windows have never been so important

Reached age 92, grandson reached 3

 I watched her learn to read

Thankful for learning, in my pajamas

Rediscovering myself by reading the Bible

Tried, failed, failed worse, kept going

God, family, freedom, Trump, USA

Trump is our best president ever

Biden won the election––thank God

Americans waited in line to vote

Democracy triumphed now pass the stuffing

Zoom Thanksgiving beats an ICU Christmas

The many people who deliver food

There’s really more kindness than hate

I proposed and she said yes.

He also quoted Pope Francis who recalled recently the nurses who saved his life after he was hospitalized at age 21. He said that to come out of the pandemic strong we need to let ourselves be touched by others’ pain.

I’ll add my own 6 word thanks, from the Bible.

“Living I thank you this day”

Paul Daneo writes :     “ Monday 25 November, 1720. During prayer I was without feeling and also distracted. At Holy Communion I was at first recollected and then that stopped. I felt most fervent during the night and even shed some tears when praying to the Lord for holy Church and for sinners, that He would avert the imminent punishment that I deserve for my sins, and other prayers which I do not write down here. For the rest of the day I was full of misery and depression and likewise sorely tempted with compassion for my family. It irritated me even to see people or to hear them passing by, to hear the sound of the church bell; in fact it seemed to me that my heart was buried without any feeling of prayer. 

  However it never occurs to me to seek relief, and in my own mind I am quite happy to put up with such thoughts; but this happiness brings no relief because at such a time there is a certain disquiet of a peculiar kind. There is a kind of satisfaction that the most holy Will of our dear God is being fulfilled, but this remains, as it were, buried beneath the ashes in the most secret recess of the soul. I know it is hard to explain what I mean because one who has not experienced this will find it difficult to understand.”

Orlando’s entry:     “I shed some tears”….. fervent prayer…..I did not get to feel like that. But the quiet, the peace, the confidence in your Will and Presence is with me today, oh Lord. At 8:30 Mass at the Passionist Church, thank You Lord, I felt You in warm, reassuring ways. It was a shame that I felt uneasy in the company of my fellow Catholics. This pandemic forces us to be distant from each other, in more than one way. The outdoors Stations of the Cross (did it for Berta) were noisy with the sound of lawnmowers and leaf-blowers all around, but it was solemn and peaceful. In some way or another I could relate to the emotions of the characters beautifully depicted in sculpture at each Station: Mary, Veronica, the Weeping Women, John, even the executioners, and especially, my most sorrowful, patient Jesus.     Our prayer time at home, with the reading of the diary of the young St. Paul of the Cross was quiet and simple. Paolo writes about his depressions and feelings of “disquiet”, even annoyance, and yet with a deep inner assurance: “There is a kind of satisfaction that the most holy Will of our dear God is being fulfilled.” Yes, thank You God! Jesus I trust in You, even if right now I feel that this is not going to be a great day!

Berta’s entry:     Dear Jesus, thank You for putting people in my path today. It’s hard for me to deal with them, but I was pleasantly surprised. I started out this morning with a specific plan, but You came and changed it. After Mass I was seeking solitude and silence with my husband Orlando at the Stations of the Cross. But we were intercepted by people who wanted to talk. Speaking to them and listening to them seemed to help them and it also opened interesting paths for me. Thank You! Sometimes solitude is not the way to You, my Lord Jesus.     What I did not accomplish, which was part of my plan, was the Stations of the Cross by the Passionist Church. It was already too late for my brain. I couldn’t concentrate. But I knew You were with us! Thanks again! I do love You!  

 

Paul Daneo writes on 11/24/1720 : “Unworthy though I am, I engaged in prayer. I had no special uplifting, but I remained at it in habitual interior peace, that is to say, with pure loving attentiveness to God in general, infused in the soul. After that, although unworthy, I received holy Communion and remained recollected for some time, and then that ended too.”

  Orlando’s reaction: 
“ Unworthy though I am”, I engaged in prayer with my loving wife (Wow, am I finding her so beautiful!), such a loving daughter of God. We share our faith and spiritual struggles, also our metaphors, trying to explain the mystery of God as we share our ideas and feelings regarding the diary entries by Paolo Daneo. It is wonderful. Thank You Prince of Peace, for helping us live our peace together. I feel like we’re family! The “Three” of us. Help us to see humanity, all of it, as part of that family. 
I did not get to do much more prayer that day. I had to send emails to different people regarding my duties in the Knights of Columbus and my Zoom prayer group. It took me forever. I don’t like doing stuff like this. Anything that deals with technology is hard for me, but I know it is for your glory, Lord.

  Berta’s reaction: 
I haven’t had the greatest prayer life lately. I either don’t get into it, do it fast, or complain about doing it and not getting much out of it. There’s no inner “consolation”. There’s no satisfaction. I’m dry and alone, even though I know You are with me and at my side. I don’t give You time and yet I expect You to protect me, love me, save me, be with me, heal me, comfort me, and never leave my side! How selfish is that? 
  I’m hoping that during these next few weeks I will develop some type of relationship with You, my Jesus, that is not so one-sided. Love is sacrifice! I see it when I look up on Your Cross! I see it when I do the Stations of the Cross. I see it when I think of Mary, a child of 16 or less who said “Yes”! I do love You, my God! May my time with You be a loving one from my side too. May one day joy come from this “love sacrifice” that we’re embarking on!

 Paul Danei writes on his first retreat day:    “Saturday 23 November,1720 which was the first day of my retreat at St. Charles; unworthy though I am, I received Holy Communion. I was not especially recollected neither was I distracted. For the rest of the day I was interiorly afflicted with a peculiar kind of depression, but not like that which comes from worldly troubles. It is a certain interior suffering in mind and heart, mingled with hidden temptations which are recognized with difficulty and which therefore greatly trouble the soul. One does not know where one is, so to speak, whether here or there, the more so because at such a time there is no sensible sign of prayer. God makes me understand that these temptations purify the soul. I know that, by the mercy of our dear God, I desire to know nothing else nor to taste any consolation; my sole desire is to be crucified with Jesus.” 

 Orlando’s reaction:A very dreary day.  The cable news interfere with my efforts at prayer. Donald Trump and the Republicans refuse to concede the election. It seems as if our country is on hold, or walking on a treadmill. The future feels so uncertain. The number of COVID cases are increasing every day and thousands of people are dying. I feel like Paolo Daneo on his first day of retreat— unhappy, tempted to anger, not sure of what is real. But my focus is on Jesus. I forgive, I accept, I love that multitude of fellow Americans on either side of this unbreachable chasm.. My Lord, Our Lord, writhes upon the Cross while His heart burns with love for them and for me. Out of respect for Him, my Living God… I will love everyone, even the ones I disagree with. Thank you Lord, for the minutes that I spent reading and praying with the woman I love. Please heal her. Please hold us close together (“the three” of us) during these coming 40 days! 

 Berta’s reaction: God as family.Dear Jesus, when and how will I find peace through prayer? I was thinking that one way I find a bit of joy and peace is when something happens so that I’m inspired to say “Thank You” to You my God! It could be the smallest of things: like contemplating a bird feeder full of birds, feeling a soft breeze, sitting in the porch quietly in the morning with Orlando, spending time with friends and family (even if social-distancing), walking on a beach or in a park close to nature. All those things have inspired me to call out “Thank You, my God! I love You!”Orlando mentioned that sometimes he sees You as family, sitting with You, quietly talking as friends, putting his head on Your chest and basking in the peace and love that comes from doing that. I know deep in my heart that You, my God, are my family, but it’s hard for me, because I adore You as someone that I should look up to, and someone to reach for! I see You as my Savior and Creator. Are You then also family to me? Help me be close to You! Help me to find peace and joy in You! Let me always see the Truth through Your eyes. Let me be open to Your loving embrace as a Father, a Brother, a Friend and Advisor, Savior and Guide.    Thank You my Triune God! I love You and know that You want the best for me. Teach me to use the gifts You give me! Thank You! 

                                                                                                                               

By Orlando Hernández
     Three hundred years ago, on November 22,1720, 26-year old Paolo Daneo (now venerated as the great St. Paul of the Cross), reclused himself for forty days and nights in a small room attached to St. Charles (San Carlo) Church in Castellazzo, Northern Italy. This retreat was facilitated by his mentor, Bishop Francis Gattinara, in order for Paolo to discern his vocation, under the inspiration of God.     

Paolo worked there, cleaning the church and assisting the priest, but mostly, he prayed and prayed. He wrote in his diary every day. During those forty days of silence, solitude, and fasting he experienced cold, hunger, physical discomforts, temptations, and loneliness, but especially, his soul intensely felt the desolations, pains, and sufferings of Our Lord Jesus during His Passion. Most importantly, through the power of Our Lord, Paolo also experienced great consolations, joys, and unexplainable mystical experiences of close contact with Our Living Loving God. Finally he was infused by the great inspiration of the Holy Spirit, which led him to write the Rule (the blueprint) for the establishment of a new religious order.

This congregation he named initially “The Poor of Jesus,” but was later to be called The Congregation of the Passion. To think that the birth of the Passionist Order took place in this dark, cold place 300 years ago!     Passionists all over the world, with whom my wife Berta and I are lay Associates, will be celebrating a Year of Jubilee in joyful remembrance of this event, beginning on November 22, 2020 and ending a year and forty days later on January 1, 2022.

I am sure that throughout this year Fr. Victor Hoagland will instruct us on the details of this Jubilee, and on the wonderful aspects of St. Paul’s life and spirituality. Many reunions and celebrations were planned all over the world, especially in Italy. It is sad to realize that most of these plans have been upset due to the Corona-Virus Pandemic. We will have to observe this Jubilee Year under conditions of “lock-down”, “stay-at-home”, “or quarantine”, in a strange solidarity with San Paolo himself, as he spent those days in a desert of isolation and prayer. We will be in a sort of retreat while our world continues to be crucified by this terrible disease. Will it still feel like a jubilant celebration? Of course! Every time we move in the Presence of Our Living God, especially during His Passion, the infinite joy of Resurrection is just ahead!     

Berta and I had hoped to be part of these wonderful events, even go to Italy and pray joyfully at the places where St. Paolo lived and worked: Castellazo, Mount Argentario, Rome. This Pandemic has left the two of us dismayed, frustrated, and confused. How could we commemorate this wonderful Saint, and his Congregation, the Passionist teachers, mentors, and friends to whom we owe so much?

Suddenly an idea presented itself to us; since we are mostly confined to our home, why not go on a forty day “retreat”at home, in honor of St. Paul of the Cross? It would be a kind of Lenten experience (Fr. Victor calls it a “desert”), with fasting, prayer, silence.      Each day we begin by praying together, my wife Berta and I, and sharing the readings for the daily Mass and meditating on them out loud. Then we read to each other our journal entries from the day before. Again we react, reflect, share, encourage or console each other. Then we read from St. Paolo’s journal entry for the same day, which we found in the book, Words From the Heart, Selected Writings From St. Paul of the Cross. Each day we find that we grow closer to this young holy man. His short entries are powerful expressions of prayer and emotion which teach and inspire us.

These entries explore the heart of what it means to be a Christian, and take us to the very Center of Gravity which is the Passion of Our Lord. Once more we are led to share our reactions to the reading. We then go off by ourselves and write in our journals followed by our own private time with Our Lord.   

 We try to go to Mass every day, since the Eucharist was so central to the experiences of young Paolo. The rest of the day is spent in a quiet way, facing whatever comes, going for walks if weather permits, reaching out to people on the phone, or participating in Zoom prayer events with folks we love. As for the fasting, we eat only two smallish meals a day. It is a wonderful surprise to see how much closer together this experience has brought us. We reminisce together, even about painful things, we cry together, we console each other, we help each other in moments of dryness and despair, we rejoice together. We sense the Presence of Jesus, our Teacher and Guide always with us.   

     Fr. Victor asked us to share the diary of St. Paul of the Cross, along with our journal entries, with the readers of The Victor’s Place . On November 23rd, the day of St. Paul’s first diary writing, Fr. Victor will post our first entry. We hope it will touch your hearts with the love of Our God, especially the words of St. Paul of the Cross.