Retreat with St. Paul of the Cross – Day 4

              On the 26 of November,1720 Paul Daneo writes:     “Although unworthy I prayed doing the night and was dry except at the beginning when I experienced a certain interior sweetness, very subtle and refined. Afterwards I received holy Communion and was particularly uplifted in God with a very high degree of tenderness and a certain warmth of heart, which I felt likewise in my stomach and which I held to be supernatural, a thing which brought me much consolation.     “I know that I also held colloquies on the sorrowful Passion of my Beloved Jesus. When I speak to Him of His sufferings, for example, I say: ‘Ah, my Supreme Good! What were the sentiments of your Sacred Heart when You were scourged? My Beloved Spouse how greatly did the sight of my grievous sins and my ingratitude afflict You! Ah, my only Love why did I not die for You? Why am I not overwhelmed with sorrow?’ And then I feel that sometime my spirit can say no more but remains thus in God with His sufferings infused into the soul—and sometimes it seems as if my heart would break.     “For the rest of the day, especially in the evening, I was greatly troubled and depressed in the way described above and although this depression does not take away peace of heart, there is a great dread that neither spiritual consolations nor anything else will ever come again— and it seems as if they were never present before either. I know that I told my Jesus that His crosses are the joys of my heart.”

Orlando’s entry:     I tried to approach my Lord in the manner of one of those “colloquies” of Paolo, a powerful type of mental prayer-meditation on the Passion of my Lord. I saw His face, battered, bruised, and disfigured, looking straight into me along with Caiphas, and saying “ I AM, and you will see the Son of Man descending on clouds of glory with the hosts of angels.”      Lord, you intimidate me and fill me with guilt. I am planning to go to confession today; please let me get there. Your battered face looks at me again the way You looked into Peter’s eyes after his third denial. You give me “the look of Love” and it breaks my heart. Jesus, my Lord, why do You love me like this? Why are You constantly forgiving and healing me, patiently waiting for my soul to seek your face once again in everyone I pass by? 

Berta’s entry:     Dear Jesus, thank You for what You did and are still doing for us through Your Passion. Sometimes I forget that time, “our time”, means nothing to You. You are living Your Passion constantly while life goes on for us. But as You receive all that suffering we have, I imagine You also receive all our joy, all our fear, all our excitement, and all our dread; You receive everything. I believe You are totally connected to each one of us physically and spiritually through our souls. I believe that we are tied to You, and that is why we can feel love, compassion, empathy! It we don’t feel those it is because we ourselves have built a wall to keep You out. Your Holy Spirit is also connected to us and so is Our Father, because You are all One. Oh, Jesus, to really understand.


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