By Orlando Hernandez
It has been a while since I put any words on paper or computer (is it “writer’s block”, or have I just become lazy ?). One thing I can say with relief is that through these difficult days my prayer life has not stopped giving me the consolation and hope that I so desperately need.
In the first reading for the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time, the prophet Habakkuk states that the Lord tells him to : “Write down the vision clearly upon the tablets so that one can read it readily. For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint;” (Hab 2: 2- 3b)
My wife Berta, upon reading and hearing this Word, truly believes that God told her to encourage all other fellow Christians to get themselves a notebook of some sort and write down the thoughts or images that come to them in surprising or powerful ways while they are praying, so that later, they can be shared with others. When she told me this, it was as if my inability to write was suddenly alleviated. We’re often told to try and “listen” to God in prayer. Usually, on those special moments, my Lord seems to “talk” to me in images and sensations. So here I am trying to write down what is impossible to fully express in mere words. I am actually sharing my heart with you.
A few decades ago a Franciscan named Ignacio Larrañaga wrote this prayer of “Elevation” that I try to practice every day. I sit on a comfortable armchair in a bright room and read it, very slowly, and stop after every few words. This is what I experienced yesterday. I read, “Oh! My God!” and closed my eyes, and let my self be taken by the word “Oh!” It felt like a groan, or a moan, a cry of pain into the darkness, “a surge of the heart,” as St. Therese de Lisieux writes. I needed so much to do this! “My God!” Was also a cry from the heart, a yearning, “a simple look turned toward heaven”. And then again, “Oh! My God!”, felt more like St. Therese’s “cry of recognition and of love”, the gift of faith, the comfortable, safe, liberating feeling that I was not alone talking to myself in my head.I was not alone. I felt the soft luminescence of His Presence. I felt loved. I rested in Him.
The written prayer continued, “Trinity that I adore.” A series of images unfolded. I imagined my Loving Father, not unlike Michelangelo’s bearded Creator, with my own earthly father’s beautiful turquoise eyes, taking me in His arms so tenderly. To think that I used to be afraid of Him, and maybe I should be. He is powerful beyond imagination, Creator of supernovas and galactic collisions. In my vision I see Him embracing the whole universe in His arms, and yet, He’s looking at me, kid ! He adores me? Is that the right word? I used to look at my baby boy for long periods of time, thinking that maybe God was looking right back at me through those smiling little eyes. I was so crazy about the boy! Is that what adoration is ? Does my Heavenly Papa look at me like that? I think so!
The Old Guy begins to look young and handsome and I look into the face of My Lord and Savior, the Resurrected, Glorious Jesus Christ. What do I feel? Joy, love, gratitude, sorrow, guilt, upon looking at that incredible, luminous face? My heart opens up and I feel like crying and laughing at the same time. He is my Brother, my Love, and my God. He created me! He died for me! He smiles and breathes His Holy Spirit of Peace within me, and all becomes light and contentment . The Spirit of God gives me a glimpse of His fulness. It is too much. Gradually, His calmness soothes me and I feel so much gratitude for so much love. I could spend the whole day here, but my attention waivers. I am sitting in an armchair in my room and all kinds of cumbersome, mundane thoughts and discomforts try to barge in. So the written prayer goes on. “Oh! My God! Trinity that I adore, help me!” “Help me!” I feel so weak and harassed by the problems of my life, of the whole world, for that matter. They flush into my mind. I could spend the next hour listing them! The prayer goes on: “Help me – to forget about myself.” Good luck with that! I have unsuccessfully spent a whole lifetime trying to enjoy the moment and stop thinking, thinking, thinking. I ask the Lord to rescue me from this mental mess.
The prayer helps me by continuing: “Help me to forget about myself so I can INSTALL myself in YOU.” Now, that catches my attention. To “install” my self in God? Like a computer component, or a carburator? To become part of Him? To function within Him? He is so vast and unknowable! But He has my attention and I feel His attraction. He wants me within Him. I let myself go. He takes me. There are no words to describe this. All I can say about this is, “Thank you, thank you, Beloved!” The next part of the prayer gives an inkling of what it feels like: “Oh! My God! Trinity that I adore, help me to forget about myself, so that I install my self in You, immobile and peaceful, as if my soul already resided in Your Eternity.” I actually “float” upon these words! I rest in his Glory. As you can imagine, on the good days, when God wills it so, this prayer can be a source of great relief and consolation, an “Elevation”, an “interchange of intimacies,” as Fr. Larrañaga likes to say, a mutual search and finding between an “I” and a “Thou”, a delightful state to be in, if this is done with complete faith, which is of course a gift from God.
Unfortunately, this state usually lasts for only a few minutes or even seconds, because my mind is so rebellious and turbulent . Fortunately, this is only the first sentence in the prayer! There is much more to come! I hope you don’t mind my sharing this vision with you. It almost seems like a childish fantasy. But that is how I worship my Beloved. Prayer, contact with God, is the best thing that can happen in anybody’s life. I know that It happens to millions of my fellow Christians, for each one in Its own special way. This helps me feel connected to each one of them. I hope I was able to share some of my joy with someone out there!
Orlando Hernández
The Victor's Place 