On this day Paul Daneo wrote: “ Feast of St. Stephen Martyr. I experienced a special uplifting of soul especially at holy Communion. I wanted to go to die a martyr’s death in a place where the adorable mystery of the Blessed Sacrament is denied. The infinite Goodness has given me this wish for some time past but today I had it in a special manner, for I desired the conversion of heretics, especially of England with the neighboring kingdoms and I offered a special prayer for this at holy Communion. 
    I had also special understanding of the infinite mercy, our Sovereign Good making me realize the greatness of His love in inflicting punishment in this life so as to avoid an eternity of suffering. And because His infinite Majesty knows the place which His infinite justice has prepared for the justly deserved punishment of sin, so His infinite mercy is moved by compassion to inflict loving chastisements, with which He warns His sinful creatures to amend their lives so that they may avoid eternal punishment and may give His service first place in their lives. 
All this I understand in a second with many tears mingled with the greatest degree of sweetness. “

    Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, today in his diary, Paul talks about an epiphany he had for just a few seconds. You, my Lord, give us that gift of understanding some of the mystery that surrounds You. We must relish those seconds of enlightenment. Those seconds are how our faith and understanding grow and get us ready to face You in our final days. Thank You, my God and Redeemer. We can’t do anything without You. We are Your dependents for life.

    Orlando’s entry: Today’s entry by Paolo left me depressed and somewhat dismayed. He writes about the sufferings of life as a sort of “purgatory” here in this world, so may we may be led to contrition and conversion, that we might be worthy of Eternal Life in God. I have met and loved many people who were drawn closer to God through suffering, but I have met just as many who instead became bitter and distant from Him.      
    Fifty-five years after writing this diary, even Paul Daneo, with only months left to live, confessed to his disciple, Rosa Calabresa, that the attacks of dryness and desolation that we have read about all these days continued tormenting him for all his life, even as he also had luminous mystical experiences and accomplished great things for God. When he had that lovely vision holding the baby Jesus what did he do? Confess his unworthiness to Him in a miraculous kind of Sacrament of Reconciliation. After all these years, after converting countless people and founding a religious order, he still felt that he was not good enough! So, I look inside and wonder whether there is any hope for me. Paolo’s example comes to the rescue: persistence in faith, trust in God’s providence, trust in His love, trust in the Salvific power of His Passion, and most importantly— find His Peace in prayer as often as possible— persevere! As for all those unrepentant sinners and unbelievers? My Lord pushes me to pray for them, approach them respectfully, give them the example of Love, and share Who is the One that shines in my heart!

     On this day Paolo writes: “Christmas Day. At dawn I went to confession with heart-felt contrition and great self-knowledge. Afterwards at holy Communion I was dry as a stump and I remained so nearly all day.”

     Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, Today Christians in the U.S. are celebrating the happiness they feel knowing that You are here with all of us. Churches are as full as they can possibly be, the sounds of bells and singing coming from them. Children at home are opening presents with parents and grandparents enjoying seeing their joy and glee.     Yes, happiness permeates through our lives, but what about the lonely (for some this is the loneliest time of the year)? What about the homeless: cold, afraid, forgotten? What about the poor, that are hungry and desolate? What can they celebrate? Are they even aware of the day and of Your love for them, my Jesus?     Hope, peace and love are signs of the Season! Let’s make sure that today we reach out to those in need of these signs! Let’s share our hope, peace and love out of our comfort zone. Let’s truly join You, my Jesus.  Let’s hold You up high, by reflecting Your gifts to us! Let’s be compassionate, loving, kind and generous today and always for You, my God, who does so much for us!

     Orlando’s entry: On Christmas Day, instead of experiencing the expected joy, Paolo primarily feels contrition, and celebrates Christmas through the Sacrament of Confession. This Sacrament must have filled him with the Holy Spirit, and yet he goes through the day “as dry as a stump”. I can really relate to this. Every year, sooner or later Christmas Day becomes for me a day where I fight the feelings of emptiness and depression. One reason might be cultural. In my Cuban tradition, December 24th, Christmas Eve, is the big day of celebration; big family reunion, copious eating and drinking (reminds me of Isaiah 25:6 !) and gift-sharing. The 25th is somewhat anti-climactic, especially after mass— what now? I find myself missing the ones I lost, the ones I could not celebrate with due to the COVID. I think of so many people in peril and poverty throughout the world. I grudgingly accept God’s will and realize I have done so little for others throughout the year!      Today I meditate on the image of the dry stump, which Paolo uses to refer to himself so many times in the diary. A few years back, on a cold, windy March day in La Mancha, Spain, I stared at a field full of such dead-looking stumps. My host, a shepherd (imagine! ), told me that by July those stumps would turn into lush grapevines, from where some of the best wine in Spain was made. And so, today I thought of Isaiah 11, how from that stump of Jesse “a shoot shall sprout… and from its roots a bud shall blossom” . I felt the sweet consolation of Hope. Indeed, from such a dry stump, through the Spirit of Jesus in the soul of Paolo Daneo , a glorious blossom, a Divine grapevine, would flower: the Congregation of the Passion! Merry Christmas!

     On Christmas Eve, 1720 Paul Daneo wrote: “I was more deeply recollected with tears especially at holy Communion. On this holy night I was also recollected but not to the same extent. I also felt much tenderness especially in remembering the infinite love of our dear God in becoming man, in being born amid such lack of comfort and in such poverty; and then I took my rest in God.”

     Orlando’s entry: On this blessed day our Lord gives Paolo wonderful “Christmas gifts” of recollection, tenderness, Divine Love, and, so importantly, Spiritual Poverty. Later in life, Paul of the Cross wrote this: “ During the season of Advent, humble yourself even more than usual as you consider the Infinite Goodness of God, who wanted to become so little with a human nature like ours. He hid Himself in the womb of the Immaculate Virgin. Love this Infinite Good with the most gentle Heart of that great Lady, Mary Most Holy. God will teach you how.”     He also wrote: “ I desire that in these days especially your soul should be raised to the contemplation of the unspeakable mystery of mysteries: the Incarnation of the divine Word. I desire that you let your spirit take flight to visit Mary Immaculate, pregnant with the Son of God. There let your soul be absorbed in deepest amazement and loving wonder at one so immense becoming so little; at infinite grandeur becoming so small for us.” Here is another insight on how he might have felt that night: “Concerning the Most Holy Night of Christmas Eve, I do not give you any practices of devotion. But often caress The Holy Babe. Be little and humble, so that Mary most holy, when she sees your heart so little and childlike through humility, will let you embrace the Divine Infant.”      Near the end of his life, in the company of one of his disciples, Rosa Calabresa, Paolo was actually given this incredible gift from God through the Blessed Mother, in a powerful vision where he was allowed to hold the Baby Jesus in his arms.

     Berta’s entry: Dear Lord Jesus, as I read Paolo’s entry today on Christmas Eve, it immediately took me to all the children in the world today that are born “amid such lack of comfort and in such poverty”. My God, do You have a special place in Your heart for them? We celebrate Your birth into such poverty because You chose to come to earth in all humility and vulnerability. You wanted us to understand that You came for the poor and the downtrodden. But, my Jesus, I’m sure these parents would have liked a better environment for their children to be born in. They also said “Yes” to the call of parenthood, and I’m sure they love their children as much as Mary and Joseph loved You. These children, born to poverty, war, and suffering, deserve our love and attention also. Help us love them as much as You do, my Lord. Help us not to turn our eyes away and change the channel. They are our neighbors. They are to be loved by us because You asked us to.     My Lord Jesus, on this night of celebration for Your birth, let us not forget the poor, the refugee, the mentally ill, the children born to war and hunger. Let us reach out to them like we do to You. They reflect You, my Jesus. Give us the gift of empathy and compassion so we can really see!  

                                                                             
     On December 23rd Paolo Daneo wrote a very long entry of which we will include some important excerpts. Once again Paolo was harassed by painful obstacles to his prayer with God, and once again he persevered. He provides for all of us this great metaphor about perseverance in prayer: “ When the sea is swept by storms, the waters are raised by the wind and swell into huge billows. As these waves approach the rocks they beat upon them as if they wanted to break them up and smash them to pieces. But not so! They beat upon the rocks, yes, but they do not break through nor do they smash them to pieces although they may knock off a small chip here and there. No matter how great the waves may be, because the rocks are so hard there is no danger that they may be shattered. Similarly, the soul at prayer is a rock because God holds it fast in His infinite love. It may even be called a rock of strength because the Sovereign Good imparts this strength to it….. The devil, envious of this high state of the soul at prayer, sees that he cannot snatch it from the infinite grasp of the Immense Divinity but attempts nevertheless to disturb it to some degree. He assails it with temptations, or else with vain imaginings; with different kinds of thoughts, or again— the better to deceive it— with his infamous lies….. Amidst these stormy waves of the devil the soul stands firm as a rock provided that it always remains firmly fixed in its beloved Good…..     “In fighting these attacks and repulsing them the soul may appear to be at a disadvantage because it loses a little of its loving attentiveness and seems to be no longer in the embraces of its beloved Spouse. But God makes me understand that the soul is with Him and that He is pleased to see it thus engaged in battle. This is more profitable for the soul for, as a result of what it suffers and endures in the struggle, it is purified like the rock which before the storm may have been covered with debris but after the storm is cleansed because the waves have washed it clean.”

     Berta’s entry:    Dear Jesus, St. Paul of the Cross and many Catholics believe that the evil one wants at all costs to disrupt our peace in You, my God. One of the things the evil one does is create doubt in us. When doubt comes into our minds we feel that we are in control and not You, and most of the time this leads us to sin. Lord Jesus, I want to be a rock, like Paolo said. A rock that is so solid in You that it cannot be destroyed when attacked. But if a few pieces get chipped in that attack I always have Your prayers to return to and this will calm the waters of destruction and bring me back to the the peace in You my soul totally craves.       “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

     On that day Paul Daneo simply wrote: “I was recollected, with a great feeling of fervor.”

     Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, today young Paul Daneo is getting a respite from all his sufferings. He is “recollected” and on fire for You, my God. As I see it, it is a gift from You to him after the hard, miserable time he spent the day before.      I have often talked to You, my Jesus, about my rollercoaster life. One day elation, the next not so much, then the bottom opens and I go into an abyss. Those days of elation are a gift from You, my God! Those day are the days I truly live for; they fill me to the brim with Your love. That fire Paolo was feeling on December 22 is the fire of Your love! It feeds us! It nurtures us ! It caresses and heals our souls, minds and bodies. That fire is the Holy Spirit giving us the boost we need to continue facing the rest of the days. Thank You, my God. You know exactly how to take care of us.

     Orlando’s entry:  On his 30th day, Paolo again receives great reward from our Lord for his perseverance in prayer and faith through his terrible ordeal of the night before. This day, he has little to write because he is resting in the recollection and fervor, the sweet balm, that God’s loving embrace gives him after so much suffering with Him and for Him.     Yesterday, Berta asked : “ Is the road of suffering the only road to our God?” I don’t think so. We are approaching the very heart of our Christmas Celebration, a time of Joy and Light, where we can feel so close to God. But it is a Light in the darkness. So many people are languishing in the pandemic. So many are lonely or die alone. Suffering is taking place in so many ways and in so many places in the world. I feel that one of the great merits of this diary of Paul of the Cross is that he gives us a sort of primer on how to face whatever suffering comes our way.      So I tried to pray as he suggests, meditating on the Passion of my Lord. I asked, “Father, what moment of His Passion means the most to me right now?” A flood of images came, but finally, I imagined myself on a cross, squirming in pain, and begged my Heavenly Father to deliver me from this agony. I felt a gentle force moving my head to the right. There was my Lord Jesus on His own Cross. Beneath Him people were trashing Him, laughing at Him. Even my crucified brother, on the other side of Jesus was putting Him down. I tried to defend Him, pointed out our own sinfulness, but it did no good. I asked Jesus for His mercy. His eyes turned to me and He promised me Eternal Life. I got lost in those eyes. It was beautiful; He was beautiful! I rested in that Beauty until the terrible storm and the unbearable pain in my body brought me back to the awful scene. They were breaking the legs of my screaming brother. I looked to Jesus for help but He was gone, His head down. It seemed He could do nothing to console me. I was all alone. The club struck my knees mercilessly. I screamed in pain as my body collapsed. I could not breathe! I found myself attached to a respirator in an ICU unit. The therapy was not working. I was suffocating alone, and along with every other victim of COVID in the planet. I could not even scream.     My eyes opened, and they were full of tears. I was sitting comfortably in my “prayer armchair”, wondering “Was this just a daydream? It was so real. Why did You give me this vision(?), Lord? What are You telling me?” There was only silence. My mind, body, and soul could do nothing but rest in this silence. What I perhaps felt the most was gratitude.

     We are only including an excerpt of Paul Daneo’s long entry in the diary for December 21st. During this longest night of the year, he undergoes his darkest night so far. His flesh rebels against his spirit and he cannot sustain a prayerful state. His mood is foul. He even makes “unbecoming remarks” against the Parish priests he has to serve. He is even assailed by the most blasphemous of thoughts. In his guilt, he feels the attack of the devil, jealous of Paolo’s desire to be with God. Paolo is more desperate and miserable than ever before. But he invokes the help of his Beloved Mother Mary and faces his agonies with perseverance and total surrender. He welcomes suffering for the following reasons:     “ I would like to make everyone understand the great grace that God, in His mercy, bestows when He sends suffering, especially suffering devoid of consolation. Then indeed the soul is purified like gold in the furnace; without knowing it it becomes radiant and is set free to take flight to its Good, that is to the blessed transformation. It carries the Cross with Jesus and knows it not. This arises from the number and variety of sufferings, which make it forget everything and no longer remembers that it suffers.      “ I understand that this is  great and fruitful way of suffering, most pleasing to God, because the soul thereby becomes indifferent to such an extent that it no longer thinks of sorrow or joy but solely of remaining comformed to the holy Will of its beloved Spouse, Jesus. It desires above all else to be crucified with Him because in this it is more comformable to its beloved God, who during His whole life did nothing but suffer. In all things praised be the Sovereign Good who in His infinite Goodness has deigned to give this infused understanding to such a wretched sinner.”

     Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, what an agonizing day for Paul Daneo. Not only was his body rebelling against him, but he also was under attack from the evil one. The closer we get to You,my God, the more vulnerable are our mind, body, soul, and spirit to outside sources. I want to become more and more like You, Lord, to be “conformed” to You. But, is the road of suffering the only way to You, my God?

     Paul Daneo writes: “ I experienced some dryness and also some recollection, specially through the agonies of my Jesus. I remembered that last evening, Thursday, I was saying that the memory of the sad and sorrowful day of Friday was something to make one agonize and collapse. I asked my Jesus to make me collapse with sorrow. “

     Orlando’s entry: On 1720, December 20th fell on a Friday, so Paul goes to his Remembrance of the Passion of our Lord to “recollect” himself….. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, “Recollection, as understood in respect to the spiritual life, means attention to the presence of God in the soul. It includes the withdrawal of the mind from external earthly affairs in order to attend to God and Divine things. It is the same as interior solitude in which the soul is alone with God.” In other words, when you are “recollected” you are in a true state of prayer. When I attempt to reach this wonderful state, I spend a considerable amount of time trying to get past myself, all the discomforts, distractions, the mass of thoughts and pre-conceptions, even the prayer words and Biblical inspirations that lead me to YOU, my Lord. Sometimes I get closer to You than others. Sometimes You just “grab” me at any moment of Your choosing , and bless me with delightful Love. Sometimes You break my heart.      St. Paul of the Cross invites us to find this state of recollection by going straight to the Passion of Jesus, perhaps “in fear and trembling”, as another Paul once wrote. When he was 65 years old, St. Paul of the Cross gave us this image of recollection: “ Regarding the mysteries of the Passion of our Lord, I advice you to stay with those in which you find more devotion and cause you to love God. But when your soul is pleased to remain in the sacred silence of faith and holy love, resting in the bosom of the Father, follow that inclination, even though it lasts for all your prayer. Obey the Holy Spirit, who DRAWS you in prayer.”

     Berta’s entry: Dear Jesus, I feel for Paul Daneo. Here he is in that small cell “collapsed with sorrow” because his meditation took him to that “sorrowful day of Friday”, when You, my Lord were judged, sentenced, scourged, and crucified. Yet in the outside world, in the town of Castellazo, it was the season of Advent and people were joyfully awaiting for the celebration of Your birth. Here we have the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. And where are You, my Jesus? You are everywhere. You are the Life!     St. Paul of the Cross, throughout the years, has led me to understand the Love that radiates from You on that Cross. But You are the beginning and the end, and this has led me to ponder about when Your Passion really began. From discussions with others in the Passionist Community I have learned of different possibilities. Your Passion began when You, my God, decided on Creation, some say. I’ve also heard that Your Passion began the moment Mary said “Yes”. Whenever Your Passion began my Lord Jesus, what every example shows is the love You have for us! I see that! And as a Lay Passionist, I feel that, and always carry it in my heart!