A Lenten Reflection

     East of Jericho, Palestine, in the Judean Desert, and not far from the Jordan River, there is a Greek Orthodox monastery built into the rock of the steep side of a high hill called the Mount of Temptation. The ancient monastery buildings lead into a number of caves, where it is believed our Lord Jesus Christ found refuge during His forty days in the desert.      

Eight years ago, when I first visited this site, the place was mostly stark, barren desert. When I returned last November, the area beneath the Mount was covered by irrigated farms and groves, even homes and apartment buildings. The city of Jericho had expanded into the area. There seemed to be some sort of resort built right beneath the monastery, with even cable cars going up the mountain. How time changes things. It seemed hard to believe that this place was a desolate, dry wilderness when Jesus spent His forty days there.      

On the First Sunday of Lent, the Gospel remembers this story. (Mt 4: 1-11) In previous years, this Gospel has led me to meditate on different things, like my memory of this place in Palestine, what it is like to survive in a desert, what nuts and edible plants Jesus ate to stay alive all those days, where He located mountain springs to get water, how He found shade, how He felt at different moments. Was He lonely? Did He miss His mother? What kind of mystical experiences was He having with His Heavenly Father? Did He experience spiritual dryness? And of course, those temptations!     

This Lent though, upon reading this passage, what struck me after all these years, were the actual WORDS of my Lord. It seemed as if He was personally talking to me, crystallizing my focus on what this new, long season of Lent can mean to me. Each statement led me to unexpected prayer with Him.    

 He tells me, “One does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.” (Mt 4 : 4) I have been “fasting” since Ash Wednesday, at least trying to limit what I eat and trying to feel hungry for long periods of time. Normally I never feel hungry. I go to the Deli, or refrigerator, or the pantry, and satisfy my craving. I tend to overeat often. But lately, I am actually succeeding in getting these unexpected hunger pangs. I close my eyes and see in front of me a fat slice of Wonder Bread with butter, or Italian bread with olive oil, French bread with tuna fish, Indian naan with hummus, Cuban pastries, raisin bagels…..

Stop, please! I see my Lord, the Word of God, smiling before me, ready to fill me with His life-giving self (as if He doesn’t do that already!), and I find myself craving for Him: “Oh God, You are my God—for You I long, for You my body yearns; “ (Ps 63 : 2) I hear His Word: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be satisfied.” (MT 5: 6) Indeed, His Presence within me helps to “set me right.” Thank You Beloved, for reminding me through hunger, to pray with You.     Then He admonishes me : “You shall not put the Lord, your God to the test.” (Mt 4: 7) Yes, I feel so infinitely loved by Him; it is wonderful. I trust Him to forgive me and straighten me out every time, but this does not mean that I am to just forget about His Mercy. This does not mean that I am to engage in reckless behavior, playing with the fire of my sinful instincts, and glibly expect Him to catch me every time I fall, like a little child “testing” the love and patience of his parents. Such Divine Love deserves respect, honor, adoration, and great effort at self-improvement and penance.   

 Finally, He warns me : “The Lord your God, shall you worship and Him alone shall you serve.” (Mt 4: 10) I have been amassing a list of bad habits to give up, along with acts of giving and sacrifice for this Lent. I think I have already come up with about 20-plus items. It’s stacking up to be a little mountain of promises which are hard to keep. My Lord helps me to realize that my primary focus should not be on all these goals and acts, but on Him, the Divine One who enables me to accomplish any of them. Yes, He appreciates my attempts at charity and piety, but I must remember that every act of love, or sacrifice, or kindness is in the end His Grace working through each one of us. If I start giving myself spiritual medals for being such a “good boy” I get dangerously close to idolatry of self, and pride.    

 Frankly, I admit I am really ill-prepared for this season of Lent. Without His loving company and strength I cannot make it through this desert. I surrender to His love and invite Him to walk with me through it all. My hope in Him sprouts, and flowers tentatively, like those gardens and groves that dot the Palestinian desert before the Mount of Temptation. Prayer is always the first step, the most important aspect of Lent, and for that matter, the whole year.      Lord, help us to drink from the fountain of love which is You Holy Spirit. “Jesus, I trust in You.”
Orlando Hernández