by Orlando Hernandez

A few years back, at the Passionist Spiritual Center in Florida, I heard something I have always kept in my heart. Fr. Paul Wierichs CP, said to us, “ The more that you get to know Jesus, the deeper that you will get to know yourself.” It sounded delightful but also rather daunting. There are many times when I unfortunately do not like this person that I am. I know that I am a beloved child of God, but I once confessed to a priest that I felt as if I had this cesspool, this dark pond deep within myself, where snakes and scaly monsters would swim and slither, and curse my very life. Through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the Lord, like Hercules in the myth, diverts mighty rivers of cleansing water and purifies this inner space. But, within days, the lake begins to gradually become polluted again, and dark creatures begin to lurk in the bottom; my inner enemies return.

My three beloved psalms speak of this. Psalm 23 says, “ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.” I realize that even at Mass, inappropriate, sinful thoughts can try to come up, even if no match for the searing Light of the Eucharistic Christ. Psalms 63 and 139 bring me to prayer in such delightful intimacy with the Living God, but even these psalms turn dark toward the end. The psalmist asks for God’s help in the destruction of these “enemies” (that I see as living within me). In the Gospel for the 22nd Sunday in Ordinary time (Mk 7:21-23) our Lord does not fool around: “From within people, from their hearts, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile.”

How can I keep on fighting against this Enemy that after all these years still defiles me, and torments me, along with every one of us? In my heart I believe that the only answer is to look past this darkness towards the Light of God, who is so much more, infinitely, powerful than any created thing! His Gift of Self, His Holy Spirit guides us. In this Tuesday’s first reading, from the 3rd chapter of 1 Corinthians, St. Paul tells us :
“Brothers and Sisters: the Spirit scrutinizes everything, even the depths of God. Among men, who knows what pertains to the man except his spirit that is within? Similarly, no one knows what pertains to God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand the things freely given us by God.” These gifts include our very selves, our souls, and our salvation from evil and death by our Lord Jesus. Do we truly believe that we are saved? Do we trust in God’s word? I humbly believe that only through surrender to this Spirit of God that Paul talks about can we have this knowledge. St. Paul goes on to say that “ we have the mind of Christ.” This wonderful saying is in so many ways beyond my understanding, but it gives me a great deal of confidence in facing these inner demons. I am not alone; Jesus is with me.

The Gospel for this Tuesday (Lk 4: 38-44) illustrates how this Light of God both exposes our sins and frees us. We read the story of Jesus at the synagogue in Capernaum. A certain man entered the service quietly, probably the same way he would go in every week, without any problem. But this day, suddenly, in the presence of Jesus, the evil forces within him come out in recognition of the Power before him (“I know who You are–the Holy One of God! )”. Jesus does not waste any time ridding this man of the demon that possesses him. Our Lord’s “authority and power” work to expose the evil within us and to free us from it. All we have to do is present ourselves before Him.

Again I am reminded of the wonderful analogy that (then) Fr. Robert Barron would give on his TV show. He tells us that it is as if you are driving around in your car early in the morning. You haven’t washed it in weeks, but you can still see OK out of your windshield, no problem. Suddenly your car rounds a corner and you find yourself before a huge rising sun that exposes every bit of filth, every flaw in that windshield . You are blinded and filled with fear due to this great Light. Our Lord can do this to us in prayer. We can call this the Prayer of Contrition. It leads us to want to “clean up,” repent!

We know of a great “car-wash” that we can go to. Windshield, wheels, hood, roof, everything will be left shining. It is called the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The service includes top-quality detailing of the inside too! The Mighty Jesus commands those nasty voices within us to “Be quiet! Come out of him [her] !” Thank you for Your mercy and patience, Beloved.

Orlando Hernandez